What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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