I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
