If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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