Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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