Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
