Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
