so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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