Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
