his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
