I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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