mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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