There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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