my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
