Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
