You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
birth control should be required to get into college
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
