i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
