oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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