OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was confusing and full of hummus
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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