I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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