Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My penis needs a shock collar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
