He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
