I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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