That's intense
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
