So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
