If that was your dad, he is hot
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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