i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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