i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
