Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
