Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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