YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
