Tell her she can't have a vagina
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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