Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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