Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
