at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
