I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
