my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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