i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
