I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
