so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
