yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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