roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like eating out sand paper
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
