Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
