I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
