I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
