I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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