you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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