she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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