I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
