Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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