I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
