I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
