ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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