bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
