I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Two words: nipple clamps
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