he told me I talked like a deaf person
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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