I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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