I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
