i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
