no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
