So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
