I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
