im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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