so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
