She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
