You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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